There's Not Much She Was Good At
by buddy2197
Summary: What happens when Olivia corners Amanda in the elevator? Will they get what they both crave? Or will one in denial break both of their hearts? *Rolivia*


Short One-shot for Rolivia; this one doesn't have much of a happy ending, but I did write Regret, which is almost the same thing, but has a happy ending. Please review, I would love to hear from you guys, and if someone wants to keep this story going, then go ahead, but please tell me, I'd love to read it:) Hope you guys enjoy:)

Disclaimer: I own nada, only my mistakes

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There's Not Much She Was Good At

Amanda was not one to give relationship advice, she knew that she wasn't good at giving advice; she was horrible at it, actually. She sucked at it; if she couldn't make the right decisions for herself, how was she going to do it for some one else, for Olivia. That's why she kept her mouth shut, she didn't want to but in and make everything worse, even if there was a chance that things could turn out for the better, even if she could tell Olivia the truth and everything would turn out like an original fairy tale.

"Amanda?" Olivia asked, waving her hand in front of her fellow officer's face, who seemed like she was in a haze, "Amanda?"

"Sorry, Liv," said Amanda, her blonde hair tussling in front of her face as she shook her head, "I was just thinking, but like I was saying before, I ain't good in giving relationship advice, sorry." Amanda wanted to get out of there; she couldn't do this anymore; she was about to say something that could jeopardize Olivia's relationship; something that could make Liv hate her; so she needed to leave, so she couldn't ruin anything, so she wouldn't say anything. 'Please, please, let me leave,' thought Amanda, not liking how close Liv was getting, this was dangerous territory and she needed to get away, 'please.'

"Hey, that's okay; I really didn't think I could get good advice this late at night, but had to try right?" Liv said, chuckling at the end, but looked at Amanda's squirming figure. Olivia had an idea of what was going through Amanda's head, and she mentally screamed to herself at how frustrating it was for Amanda to say - do - something about that; she had tried everything, but nothing worked, nothing got through Amanda's tick skull; that's what she had tried when she started this conversation, trying to make her jealous, but she was having nothing of luck. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," Amanda said, giving a nervous smile, bringing her hand to rub the back of her neck, "it's just that it's been a long night."

"Okay, well I'll see you tomorrow?" Asked Liv almost shyly and she knew her disappointment must have been heard, but there was no recognition on Amanda's face, and Olivia could feel the frustration rising even higher. Amanda simply nodded and waved her goodbye as she turned and made her way to the elevator. She had chance and chance again to reveal her secret, to tell the truth, to be happy, but she knew she could never put her happiness in front of Liv's, she couldn't - wouldn't - just do that; she had decided that she wouldn't a long time ago and she was going to keep that promise. Amanda stood, ducked her head and headed for the elevator; all her gloomy thoughts following her right on her heels. She sighed before entering the elevator and pressing the first floor button, not liking how this night was going; all she expected when she went home was to drown herself in re-runs of NCIS and Chinese food in her cold and lonely apartment.

"Wait, Amanda," she heard Liv call out her name, and she quickly looked up, putting up her hands against the elevator doors to keep them from shutting together. She wanted to leave, but she could never intentionally ignore Liv. She hasn't done it and she wasn't going to start, so as she watched the one person in this world that made her day brighter, she forced herself to smile a bit and gave the other woman her whole attention.

"Yeah?" she asked, her confusion showing in her eyes, despite the smile she was putting on for play. Her eyes widened when Liv pushed her in the elevator and somehow cornered her, not leaving a way out. "Liv?!"

"I need you to listen, okay, I need you to listen to what I have to say because if I don't then I don't think I will ever be brave enough, " Liv took a shuddering breath, taking a step closer, yet she felt like her time was running out; the elevator was going to open soon and then reality would hit them and she knew that if she didn't tell Amanda now, she never would; she knew and instead of letting her chance go, she's deciding to take it and only hoping it'll turn out better than her current fears. "I know, okay, I know, and all I have to say is that I feel the same way too. Since the moment I met you - the moment I saw you - I knew I felt the same way, and I can't just watch you everyday, I can't keep fantasizing about being with you every second of every day because it's driving me crazy, and the fact that I don't want to stop, scares me. I feel like all I wanna do is take you out, to make sure you know you're not alone, to make sure you know that I'll always be there for you, but I can't because we keep dancing around this, and I don't want that anymore! I want you!."  
Amanda stared wide-eyed, not believing this was happening, and she knew this could either lead to something wonderful or just be the beginning of a very long nightmare.

DING

They both just stood there, staring at each other; one couldn't believe what was happening and the other was pleading with her eyes, wanting - pleading - the other woman to react. They both felt like they were in a haze, neither of them really believing that this - the moment they both had wanted since they could remember - was actually happening, that the possibility of hidden feelings being reciprocated and that all that was left to do was lean in and connect lips to lips.

Neither noticed the elevator doors closing, neither noticed that the elevator didn't move; all their focus was on each other, all they both wanted to do was lean in; yet they didn't want this moment to end, both knowing that the moment that came after this one would either be a real happy, loving one or one filled with pain and anguish. They wanted to stay in this moment, they both wanted to be able to stay in this is exact moment because the possiblitlities were endless; they could lean in or they could take a step back, and nothing was set in stone yet; it was their move, it was Amanda's move.

"I-I," Amanda stuttered and her heart rate picked up as she saw - and definatly felt - when Olivia took a step foward; their space coming close to nothing, all Amanda had to do was tug at Liv's waist towards her to have both their bodies flushed against each other; all she had to do was lean up slightly and connect her lips to the fuller ones in front of her, but she held back, her hands itching to reach out and lay her hand on warm skin. "Y-you have Cassidy, w-we can't do this, and-and this will only bring trouble."

"Please stop, you're just making excuses, but that needs to stop. I'm actually here, actually telling you how I feel and all you do is make up excuses!" Retorted Olivia, her glare set in Amanda's direction.

"You're with someone else! You have someone to go home to, and this will lead to trouble! I'm sorry if I'm thinking about someone other than me!" Replide Amanda.

"I broke up with Cassidy, I haven't been with anyone in a long time, and I never told you because I wanted you to take some kind of control, I wanted you to tell me that you felt something for me! And for god's sake, could you for once, think about yourself? YYou always think about how you can help this person and that, but you never do that for yourself until it's too late, but not now; now I'm begging you to do something that you actually want!" Olivia responded, her nerves getting the best of her as she stepped back from the small space she and Amanda had created in the elevator. All she wanted was for Amanda to admit that she wasn't the only one that wanted this, that she wasn't the only one who dreamt about them being together.

"I can't make you happy! Okay! I can't, I always find someway to mess everything up and I can't take that chance with you; I can't put your happiness on the line because I know I'll mess it up!" Yelled Amanda, pushing herself back into the wall, not wanting to follow Olivia's retreating body.

"I can't promise you that we'll live forever after, but I do know that this can happen, I know that my happiness doesn't mean anything if I'm not with you! I want you, okay, and you're scared. I get it, but please don't make a decision just because you think you're gonna mess it up! You think I'm not scared? I'm terrified, I'm terrified that you don't feel the same way, I'm terrified that this may never happen, I'm terrified because you can get hurt and I would never be able to have any time with you, I'm terrified that if we were ever to fight, that one of us will take it too far and end things, I'm terrified because there are many things that could go wrong, but I'm right here in front of you, Amanda, and what I'm saying is that I want you, get it, I want you!" Olivia took a deep breath, wiped the tear that had fallen down her cheek, turned around and hit the open door button, and stepped out of the elevator when the doors opened. Before they closed she said her goodbye, "Goodnight, Detective Rollins."

Nothing was ever the same after that; Amanda would always regret the day that she didn't go after the short haired brunnett, but she had made her decision and after her meeting with the Chief about that weeek being the last, she tried her hardest to convince herself that everything that had been said that night was only just a dream. She had to move on, she wasn't good for anyone, she knew that, that's why she did it and now she had to live with that.

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Please review:)

-Buddy2197


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